


Those Left Behind

by Mariedesade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014!Castiel, Drug Use, Fallen Angels, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Season 9, Season 9 AU, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:25:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9102364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariedesade/pseuds/Mariedesade
Summary: Lucifer wakes up on earth. Suddenly out of the cage and without his grace working, he wanders until he finds a demon still loyal to him. The demon points him to Castiel, the only person who might know what happened to the angels. Lucifer goes off in search of answers but instead finds his broken little brother, tossed out on the streets and constantly chasing after bottles and needles. Lucifer picks Castiel up and takes him home, his desire for answers disappears as he tries to bring Castiel back from the brink. But they can't live like that forever. Lucifer wants Castiel but he can't stand living on earth. He struggles with whether he should shatter their fragile lives together to try and build something better or live in misery but keep Castiel safe from the coming battles.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the 2016 Angel Big Bang! 
> 
> Please take some time to check out the AMAZING art that Emma the Slayer created for the story at http://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/409554.html

When Lucifer wakes up and opens his eyes onto the hot desert sun his first thought that it was it struck him as odd that he woke up, having never slept a day in his life. He stares up at the sky in a haze until his eyes burn and spots appear in his vision. Lucifer closes and curls onto his side, a puff of dusts settles on his body. A long moment passes where Lucifer hopes to simply drift back to sleep but just at the moment when it appears he might his eyes snap open. Quickly jumping to his feet Lucifer spins around and takes in the empty unending desert around him. Moments ago he was in the cage and now he was in the middle of nowhere, no sign of any angels, demons or even humans that might have broke him free.

Then Lucifer has only one option, walk until he finds civilization. With no signs and nothing in the horizon but dunes and cacti Lucifer picks a bird in the sky and follows it. As he walks he becomes aware of the way his body slowly degrades. Not the way he burned through Nicks body but in an entirely organic fashion. The hot burns and blisters his skin, his shoes rub painfully against his heel and the tips of his toes till each step hurts. The farther he walks, the more he sweats until every drop of water in his body is pulled out and evaporated. The first day ends and Lucifer collapses under a large rock as the sun disappears and takes the intense heat with it. Lucifer has always burned cold but even he began to shiver as the air around him turns to ice.

The sun rises and it all starts again. Lucifer wakes up to a snake slithering up his leg, he watches the creature poke at his pocket and flick his tongue out in search of food. When the snake finds nothing it wanders off to look somewhere else. With the sun starting to peak out over the horizon Lucifer is able to take in his surroundings. Spotting a flat shaped cactus a few feet away Lucifer climbs to his feet.

The sudden pain that hits him is nearly enough to knock him off his feet. As if his skin had shrunk around his bone, each movement pulls and tears his flesh. His feet swell in their shoes and feel as though each and every blister might suddenly burst. Despite all the pain, the overwhelming hunger and thirst urge him to shuffle towards the plant. Lucifer picks up a rock and knocks a chunk of cactus to the ground and kneels next to it. Carefully he rolls the stone along the needles, grinding them off them away from the succulent flesh.

He remembers watching the young humans struggle in the wilderness. Once surrounded by lush abundances they were reduced to scavenging what they could dig up from the sand and cracked dirt. Lucifer remembers Cain stumbling through the desert, his brother’s blood still freshly stained on his face, pricking his hands on the proto-cacti in a desperate attempt to quench his thirst. Though unpleasant, the memories served him well that day. When the bristles are finally rubbed off, Lucifer blows off the dust and peels the skin back. The tender flesh inside oozes out onto his fingers, Lucifer puts it to his lips and greedily sucks up the juices.

As the air around him warms Lucifer devours the cactus, eating up nearly all of it save for a small amount he rubs onto the red skin of his face hoping to sooth the burning.  When the sun reaches its highest point Lucifer wobbles back to the shelter of his rock. At least he learned not to walk under the noon sun quickly.

With nothing else to do Lucifer contemplates the events of the last day. He had woken up and for a moment felt no different than the last time was on earth. Slowly he came to realize that his grace was tarnished in some way, he couldn’t fly nor could he heal the effects of the dessert that slowly wore away at him. He felt no demons and he felt no angels.

Waiting is difficult, Lucifer wants answers but knows he can’t tolerate another day like the last. He sits and watches the world around him till the sun begins to fall again. Though it is still much too hot Lucifer begins to walk again, if he stays another night in that desolate wasteland he might not have enough strength to ever leave. Each step hurts but with each step his anger burns a little stronger and pushes him forward.

Eventually he finds his way to a road, the black asphalt sends a new wave of heat towards him but also kindles a small spark of hope. A road must lead somewhere so he follows it. He doesn’t find anything but as it grows cold again, someone finds him.

“Hey!” someone calls from behind him. “You okay, son?”

Lucifer turns and finds an old man leaning out of his pick up truck. Lucifer tries to answer but his dry throat barely makes a sound. He shakes his head instead. The man turns off his vehicle and steps out, takes a few steps towards Lucifer before turning around and returning with a bottle of water. “Here, you don’t look so good.”

Lucifer rips the bottle form the mans hands and downs it in only a few gulps. The stranger puts a hand on Lucifer’s arm and the angel hisses from the pain of his sunburn. “Sorry, sorry! Why don’t you get into my truck with me? I’ll get you some more to drink.”

The old man drives him down the bumpy road in a truck with busted shocks, shaking Lucifer each time they run over a small pebble. Lucifer sinks into the softness of the beat up seat and rests his head against the side of the door. “Thank you.”

“No problem, no problem.” He reaches into his glove compartment and pulls out a half eaten granola bar. “What were you doing out there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Sometimes them kids go out there to do that burning man nonsense.” The man gives Lucifer a once over. “You don’t look like one of ‘em kids, though.”

Lucifer doesn’t answer, having closed his eyes and quickly falling into a deep sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

They sky is an inky black when Lucifer pulls into a drive way, two barking dogs run up excitedly jumping at their owner’s side of the truck. “Well hey there, little buddies.”

“Harold!” A voice screeches from the house. “It’s so late! What have you been doing with those drunk friends of yours?”

“Quiet, Gladys! We’ve got company!” He shouts back. He looks back at Lucifer who’s still sitting in his spot in the car. Harold waves at him to get out and follow him. An elderly woman waddles out of the house with a wooden spoon in her hand.

“Company?”

“I found a man in the desert.”

“A man in the desert?”

“Yes, a man in the desert! Jesus, are you going deaf?”

Gladys huffs and shakes her spoon at him. “Harold, if we didn’t have a witness I’d-”

“Ah, you ain’t gonna do nothing, woman,” he mumbles under his breath.

“I don’t want to intrude.” Lucifer slowly walks behind him, unsure if he should follow him into the house.

“Nah, no intrusion,” he takes off his ball cap and puts his arm around his wife. “Gladys here, loves having company, gets to show off her famous stew.”

She squints her eyes into tight lines trying to get a good look at Lucifer. “What in god’s name happened to you?”

Lucifer almost laughs but Harold cuts him off, “don’t be rude to our guest!”

“Well, you can’t sit at the dinner table looking that.” She presses her wooden spoon against his shoulder and presses on it until Lucifer allowed her to push him inside. “Head straight upstairs and get yourself in the bath. Harold will bring you some clothes so you can get out of those rags.”

Lucifer frowns at her but welcomes the chance to clean himself, his stiff bones creak as he moves up the stares. He is half way there when the old woman calls after him, “there’s lotion under the sink, you’re going to need it!”

Lucifer twists the tap and plugs the drain, as the tub fills up he slowly peels off his clothes and drops them by his feet. He stares in the mirror as steam begins to cloud it over. The skin on his face is red and cracked while his chest is still the white from the cover of his shirt. A new wave of thirst hit him and he turns the cold water tap of the sink on. Shoving his mouth under the stream he takes in gulp after gulp until his stomach twists in protest.

Putting a foot in a foot in he instantly yanked it back out when it nearly seared his already thin skin. Frustrated, he sticks his hand in the water, ignoring the pain, and unplugs the drain before letting a cool stream of water cool off the tub. Finally, he is able to climb inside and rest his aching bones. It stings to lay back against the porcelain but the tepid water sooths the rest of his skin. He soaks until he’s dozed off and a knock on the door rouses him, Gladys informs him that dinner is ready. Reluctantly, Lucifer pulls himself out of the shower and grabs the lotion under the sink. Though it isn’t pleasant to have to rub something into his skin, by the time he reaches his legs his face and shoulders have began to improve slightly.

Plates and servings have already been set up when Lucifer approaches the table. Harold and Gladys sit across from each other and patiently wait for Lucifer to join them. The table is long and wide, judging from the many family photos hung up on the wall there was a time when they needed such a table. A time when parents, siblings, children, nieces and nephews all gathered round it for a hearty fall feast or a decadent Easter meal. Today, they’ve had to drag in a chair from the living room for Lucifer to sit on.

Lucifer picks up his fork but Harold interrupts him with a throaty cough, “we say grace in this house, son.”

Lucifer shrugs, puts his fork down and ignored being called son again. Harold and Gladys both clasp their hands together and bow their heads, neither notice Lucifer do either. Gladys begins, “dear Lord, thank you for this meal. Both for the food on our plates and the company in our home.”

She goes on to say more but Lucifer zones out, instead he mentally counts the number of men and women who gradually disappear from the family photos. Harold finishes, “Amen.”

Picking up his knife and fork, Lucifer begins cutting into the gravy covered steak and nods at Gladys. “Thank you for dinner.”

“Ain’t nothing.” She stabs at a pie of collard greens and stuffs it in her mouth. “We don’t get much company round these parts, best to spoil them when they do show up.”

“Gladys’s cooking is why I can’t fit into my wedding tux no more,” he grins and pats his rounded stomach. “If I didn’t work hard like I do down at the shop, I’d be round as a pumpkin about now.”

“You still work?” Harold nods and tackles a chewy piece of steak. “Aren’t you a little old to be working still?”

“Well,” he pauses to take a big gulp of ice water, “gotta pay for our meds somehow.”

“You’re sick?”

Gladys laughs. “No, we’re old!”

“We get by.” Harold and Gladys clink their glasses together and smile at each other. “What about you, you work anywhere?”

“No.”

“You won of those rich boys living off your daddy’s good graces?” Harold means to make light of the situation but Lucifer fails to see the humor.

“I used to be.” It falls silent and they eat to avoid talking, the only sound the clink and scrape of their utensils hitting their plates. The food tastes amazing but still leaves a heavy weight in his belly. He shouldn’t need to eat nor should he feel hunger. Yet the need began to grow the moment he awoke in the desert, found little satisfaction with the cactus and only now began to subside as he forced himself to eat slow, carful bites. In all honesty he wanted nothing more than to shovel the food into his mouth like a rabid animal but he wouldn’t dare debase himself in front of these human.

The rest of dinner passes with little conversation. Harold collects the dishes and Gladys scrapes the spare food into the dogs’ bowls. When Harold begins to fill the sink Lucifer stops him and offers to clean instead. Harold needs little convincing but picks up a dish towel and says he’ll dry at least. “You’re a bit of a strange fellow.”

“Am I?” Lucifer asks, shoving a gravy streaked plate beneath the hot soapy water.

Harold hums, “very much so.”

“Oh, honey,” Gladys slaps him on the back. “Be nice to the guest.”

“Just making sure he ain’t wanted for murder. One of those escaped convicts. You ain’t nothing like that, huh?”

“Yes, in fact I am.” Lucifer hands him the plate and picks up another. “Someone let me out.”

“Your lover snoke you a file inside a cake?” Gladys teases.

“Something like that.”

When everything is put away Harold and his wife go to watch the news though Lucifer declines their invitation to join them. Instead he makes his way upstairs, grabs the lotion for his skin and curls up on the spare bed. Despite intending to tend to his sun burn Lucifer is out the second his head hits the pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Herold offers to drive Lucifer into town. Though he is still exhausted he agrees, he has far too much work to do spend any more time mopping around about some burnt skin and tired bones. Harold offers him a few bills which Lucifer reluctantly takes. He does to be any more indebted to this man than he already is but he needs the cash for some supplies. When Herold has driven far enough away Lucifer goes in search of the various shops he needs to make purchases at. He gets chalk and candles at a cheap dollar store and a cup of blood from a butcher. The man gave him a weird look when Lucifer asked for a to go container of blood but he doesn’t bother to explain himself, it’s none of his business after all. Lastly Lucifer waits until dark and finds an old, empty warehouse.

Lucifer carefully draws the chalk into loops and swirls to form his summoning spell. He scowls that he should be able to snap his fingers and have more demons that he could want but instead he is forced to summon one like a human would. Lucifer needs to be careful though, he can’t just summon one like you would a normal demon. Crowley would certainly notice and crossroad demons seem especially loyal to the usurper.

Lucifer still knows the ranks of hell and knows which factions are likely to still have believers in them. Lighting a candle, he begins to speak words burned into his memory. When he’s done he blows on the flame and extinguishes it. One second the circle in the middle of the room is empty and then the next second there stands a short red head.

“Hello,” she greets. “I’m usually summoned to nicer homes.”

“What’s your name?” Lucifer asks.

The demon gives him a long look and squints. “Do I know you?”

“I would hope so.” She steps as close as the confines of the sigil will allow and studies him in detail.

“You’re not…” Her eyes dart back up to his face. “Are you?”

“Well, now you know who I am but I still don’t know you.”

“I…” she trails off a tad star struck. “Elizabeth.”

“Hello, Elizabeth.”

“It used to be Erzsebet but uh people don’t…use that much anymore,” she rambles. “I changed it to something more modern. But-”

Lucifer holds up a slender finer and presses it to her lips, silencing her. She instantly clams up and looks at him with a wide, deer in headlights look. “Can I trust you, Elizabeth?”

“Yes,” she nods eagerly. “Yes, of course you can.”

“Good,” he brushes a piece of stray hair behind her ear “because you know how I handle traitors.”

She blanches and Lucifer gives her a tired smile. “But you won’t have to worry about that, will you now?”

“No, I’ve-” she takes a deep breath to settle herself. “I’ve always been loyal to you.”

“Sadly, it doesn’t seem like many have.” Lucifer scuffs his shoe against the chalk outline and releases Elizabeth. “None of the demons I tried contacting found me.”

“Oh,” he shoulders tighten, “well, that’s because…”

“What is it?”

“They’re dead.”

“Dead?” Lucifer’s eyes narrow. “The angels?”

“No, they mostly leave us alone now.” Lucifer watches her gulp on fear of telling him anything more. “Crowley, once you were locked up again, he started slaughtering us. So many died until we were driven underground. He’d still kill anyone he found out was still a believer. Most of us try keeping quiet so he doesn’t notice us and work from the inside. A few of us managed to go rogue.”

Lucifer’s jaw tightens and he folds his arms across his chest. Elizabeth stands straight weighting for Lucifer to speak but the silence stretches on. Lucifer turns away from her and kicks at the pile of things in front of him. He can feel Elizabeth behind him, practically vibrating from nerves.

“What’s wrong with you?” Lucifer turns to look at her and the demon jumps at the sharp look in his eye. “I m-mean, you feel different.”

Lucifer manages to swallow his anger and approaches her again. “I don’t know.”

“Oh,” she mumbles, lowering her eyes respectively.

“I had hoped you might have known something about my situation.”

“Well,” she trails off. “The other angels were kicked out of heaven but-”

“What do you mean they were kicked out of heaven?” Lucifer interrupts.

“Yeah, there was this big light show and they all came crashing down.”

“And?”

“And what?” She asks. “They hit the ground.”

“Elizabeth,” Lucifer sighs and gently wraps his fingers around her arms. “Where are the angels now?”

“I’m not sure really. I’ve only ran into one or two, I’m only a mid level employee down in the pit. I hear a lot of them are still looking for vessels.”

“And that’s all you know?”

Elizabeth’s shoulders droop having obviously disappointed Lucifer. Suddenly she perks up and smiles. “I can get some more though.”

“Good.”

“Leopold was demoted recently, apparently Crowley overheard him insulting his new suite so he-”

“He’ll know something?”

“Yes, he was in that slime ball’s coveted inner circle before he fucked up.”

“See what you can find out.” Lucifer drops his hands and look around the wide empty factory. “I’ll be here I suppose.”

Elizabeth doesn’t wait to be asked twice, she is already gone when Lucifer turns around. With a heavy sigh Lucifer makes his way outside towards the giant superstore he had seen on his way there. With the last bit of money the old man gave him Lucifer bought a blanket and enough food for the next couple days. It’s all overly salted or too sweet but it settles his stomach enough to sleep. The ground is hard, the air is cold and his blanket is thin but there is now a hope that soon he’ll have answers.

In the morning Lucifer is woken up by a tentative touch on his shoulder that snaps him awake and sends him gasping for air. “It’s just me!”

“Dammit, Elizabeth,” Lucifer gasps. She apologizes and he motions for her to step back. “What did you find out?”

“Well…he didn’t know much.”

“So, you found nothing.”

“No, not exactly.” She picks up the bag sitting next to her and holds it out to him. “I wrote down what he knew but I think your best chance is going to find Castiel.”

Lucifer tries to keep an even expression at the mention of his ever rebellious brother’s name. “Why is that?”

“Leopold said that he was at ground zero when whatever happened, happened.” She hands him her bag. “The rest of what he knew was just bits and pieces that I don’t think make sense unless you already know the whole story.”

“I suppose that’s something at least.” He takes the bag and looks inside. “What is all this?”

“Supplies. Food, clothes, money and everything else you’ll need on your trip.”

“My trip?”

“To Chicago.”

“Is that where Castiel is?”

“That’s where he was last.” She jingles a pair of keys in her hand. “You will have a nice set of wheel at least!”

Elizabeth tosses Lucifer the keys and he catches them in the air. “That had been my main concern.”

Apparently Lucifer was heading to Chicago now.


	4. Chapter Four

Lucifer prepares for a long journey. Even once he reaches Chicago who knows how long it will take to find Castiel. There are millions of people in that area and what is left of his grace isn’t strong enough to simply seek out another angel.

The drive is stretched out and boring. Elizabeth periodically puts money on the credit card she gave Lucifer to pay for food and lodgings but Lucifer is finding being ‘human’ to be incredibly draining. Knowing when he is hungry isn’t as easy a task as he thought and trying to fall asleep is even worse. By the time he makes it into Chicago is already fed up with the entire human race.

But like some chance of fate he doesn’t spend long looking.

In fact, Lucifer hadn’t even planned on looking for Castiel that night. He was hoping to find a place to spend the night, look over a map and try to guess at the most likely areas Castiel would be in. He certainly didn’t expect his little brother to be in a part of town as filthy as this. Yet he pulled into a parking space and stated walking towards the run down motel and just happened to look down the alley way to his left. There is all his miserable glory was the angel of Thursday, face smudged with dirt and hair in a knotted mess. He sat not far from the dumpster, curled up with his back resting against the wall and his eyes glued to the sky.

“Castiel?”

Lucifer’s presence surprises Castiel. The cigarette droops between his lips and would have fallen free if a shaky hand hadn’t snatched it up at the last moment. Smoke billows out of his nostrils and his brow disappears behind a mass of tangled, dirty hair. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

Castiel’s eyes narrow, he tries to stand but staggers. “Are you real?”

“Of course I’m real.”

Castiel scoffs and takes a drag of his cigarette, the end burns red and turns to ash. He flicks it onto the ground without bothering to snuff out the end. “That’s what they all say.”

“Are you drunk?”

Castiel lets out a loud, wheezing laugh and slumps to the ground. He lands with a heavy thud and rests his elbows on the thin denim of his jeans. “I can honestly say I’m not.”

Lucifer searches for his brother but feels only an empty hole inside. “What happened to your grace?”

Castiel shrugs, “What happened to yours?”

“I don’t know…I’m not even sure how I got out.”

Castiel squints at his brother, doubt of his existence still lingering in his mind. “Well, that’s really the least of your problems.”

“What happened to the others?”

Castiel waves his hands around and looks up to the sky. “They’re around.”

A cold breeze cuts through Lucifer’s thin shirt. He kneels next to Castiel, something crunches against his knee and splits the denim of his jeans. He ignores it, he can feel blood seep out but it feels like nothing but a pinch. Lucifer is numb not just from the cold but the tight feeling of being trapped inside this skin as if it is squeezing and severing his nerves. “Where do you live?”

Castiel laughs again, a sound Lucifer is already sick of hearing. It’s a dead sound. “I don’t _live_ anywhere, but I sleep over there.”

He juts a thumb over his shoulder, seemingly unaware that he is pointing to nothing. Lucifer rises and begins tugging Castiel to his feet. “Come with me, I’ll take you home.”

“Brother, none of us are going home.”

Castiel sways when he walks. Lucifer’s hands keep darting out in fear that the angel might fall and smash his head on the curb. Slowly, Lucifer leads him back to his car where a crowd has gathered around. Lucifer angrily knocks them back and opens the door for his little brother. “You can’t leave a car this nice in a neighbourhood like this.”

“Well then lets get the hell out of here,” Lucifer grumbles. He opens the driver’s door and sits before noticing that Castiel is still outside, leaning heavily against the other car door.

“Suzy?” He drawls. “Suzy is a pretty name.”

“You got room in that car for me?” An unknown face giggles.

“Get in the car, Castiel,” Lucifer says grabbing a handful of Castiel’s shirt and yanking. Castiel grudgingly says goodbye and closes the door. With a flick of his wrists the car stars and the peel off down the road. “How long have you been living here?”

“I honestly have no idea.” Castiel sinks in his seat and closes his eyes. “I don’t even know what today is.”

“And the Winchesters?”

“I haven’t seen Dean in months. Sam, even longer.”

“Finally had enough of them?”

Castiel’s eyes begin to droop. “He thinks I’m stupid, but I know. I know.”

“Know what?”

A small snore sounds beside Lucifer and he roles his eye. He’ll be driving in silence apparently. Lucifer drives to where Castiel said he lived having learned the approximate layout of the area over the last few days. It’s a filthy city and Castiel appears to live in the worse part of it. It takes him along time to navigate to his destination but at least that lets Castiel get a bit of sleep. He certainly looks like he could use some.

Finally, he pulls up to the dimly lit building and shakes Castiel awake. “We’re here.”

Castiel cusses under his breath, lifts up the handle and kicks the door open. Leaving a dusty foot print on the interior. He tugs on Lucifer’s sleeve and leads him around the building to the door. The inside is decorated the same it has been since the 80’s and probably hasn’t been cleaned much since then either. An old man at the front glares at Castiel from behind his desk. “Your rent is late, Spears!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Castiel waves him off. “You’ll get your money.”

“Spears?” Lucifer asks as they begin to climb the stairs.

“Now that you’re living on earth with the rest of us underlings, let me give you some human kind 101. You need documents to do anything, so I’d pick out something better then the mononym Lucifer.”

“My name is fine as it is.”

“Well, good luck finding a job.”

“I don’t need a job.”

“Then I hope you like starving.”

Lucifer has a reply just on the tip of his tongue when Castiel begins to wobble. Lucifer barley manages to catch him when he stumbles between floors four and five. “Are you all right?”

“Just…” Castiel tucks his head underneath Lucifer’s chin for the briefest of moments. “Just light headed.”

“What room is yours?” Lucifer asks, wrapping Castiel’s arm around his shoulder and hulling him to his feet.

“24, on the fourteenth floor.”

“You’re joking.” Castiel shakes his head. “And no elevator?”

“They’re fixing it.” Lucifer begins to walk and Castiel’s feet slowly drag in unison. “Been fixing it since before I moved in.”

Lucifer is tired and hungry but he’ll find no cure for either of those in the stairway. So he climbs and climbs and climbs till his shoulder ache from the weight of his brother. When they pass the door to the twelfth floor Castiel pipes up. “We’re the next level. It says fourteen but it’s really the thirteenth floor.”

Lucifer snorts, “humans and their superstitions.”

At long last they reach Castiel’s floor and begin the long walk to his room, over brown and blue checkered carpet and faded red, now pink, wallpaper. When they reach the door, Castiel is barely holding onto consciousness.

Lucifer twists at the doorknob but it only rattles on loos hinges and refuses him entry. “Where are your keys?”

Castiel groans and his head flops against Lucifer’s shoulder. “Huh?”

“ _Your keys_ ,” Lucifer growls. “Do you have them?”

“Of course I have keys.” Lucifer waits for him to fish around his pockets but his brother just leans heavily on him and doesn’t lift a finger.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Castiel!” Lucifer pulls Castiel to stand, wobbly, in front of him. He needs to support Castiel’s full weight but it allows him to look at him face to face. “Please, try and focus for a minute. Where are your keys?”

Castiel open his mouth to speak but only a barely audible _squeak_ comes out before his eyes roll back into his head. Lucifer barely manages to stay standing when his brother’s full weight hits him. Lucifer awkwardly moves Castiel in his arms attempting to search his pockets for the key. When he finally finds them he gently sets Castiel down on the floor and tries each key one by one.

Two young, drunk women push the stairway door open and stumble inside the hall. They giggle loudly and cling to each other as they walk to their room. When they close in one of them eyes Lucifer and Castiel and says, “Someone’s getting lucky.”

“Shhh, Sheri,” her friend whispers.

“Come back to our room if you want some real fun!” Sheri laughs. Her friend turns red but breaks down and laughs too as they disappear inside their apartment.

When Lucifer matches the right key to the lack he tosses them on the side table and picks up his brother. Despite the exhaustion he feels he manages to drag Castiel into the apartment and hull him on his bed. Then with nothing else to do Lucifer collapses on the couch and quickly falls asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

When the sun rises Lucifer turns and presses his face against the thin padding in and effort to block out the sun. The brighter the light gets the harder it is to sleep but his body is still so exhausted that he stays curled up on the couch drifting in and out of consciousness. It isn’t until the sun has set that he hears the door to Castiel’s room creek open. When Lucifer feels eyes upon him he finally sits up. Castiel stands at the foot of the couch, eye rimmed with dark circles, and tilts his head curiously. “Hm.”

“What?” Lucifer raises his arms behind his head and stretches out his tight back.

“I honestly assumed I imagined you.”

“Well you didn’t.”

“Obviously.” Castiel turns and walks into the small kitchen. “You should go see Todd Cooperson next door, he talks to Satan too.”

Lucifer takes in a sharp breath. “Don’t call me that.”

Castiel gives him an even look and offers, “my apologies.”

Lucifer nods and looks out the window, the human filth of the city is starting to crawl out of their holes. Castiel opens his fridge and searches its contents for something edible.

“You want something to drink?”

Lucifer shakes his head even though his tongue is dry and heavy in his mouth. Castiel shrugs and grabs a beer out of his fridge, twisting the top off and dropping it on the floor. “No.”

Castiel shrugs and takes a gulp of the amber liquid. “More for me then.”

“You’re still drinking after last night?”

“Why not?”

“I had to drag you back to this hole in the wall.”

“Brother, any night you make it home is a good one.” Castiel chugs It down then drops the bottle into the trash, clinking against all the other bottles. “It’s great for hangovers.”

Castiel pulls out and lights a cigarette out from his pocket, sucking the smoke in deep. Lucifer steps towards him and takes the cigarette from between his lips. “We need to talk.”

“Of course,” Castiel says. “I’m sure you have many questions.”

“What are our brothers and sister?”

“I can’t say, they’ve all been scattered. I run into a few of them every now and then.”

“And we’re all...human?” Lucifer flinches at the word.

“It’s difficult to explain.” Castiel leans against the kitchen counter. “They find human bodies, they have broken wings but they retain bits of their grace.”

“Their wings are broken?”

“Yes, that means no more,” Castiel waves his hands around, “poofing everywhere. I suppose that’s why it took you so long to get here, your wings are all plucked.”

Lucifer is silent, he rolls his shoulders and Castiel asks, “what’s wrong?”

“I can’t feel my wings.” For the briefest moment Lucifer thinks he sees Castiel pale but he quickly hides it by walking to the fridge again. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Castiel snaps.

“Your wings?”

“…I don’t have them either.” Castiel swallows at the lump in his throat and grabs another beer and twists it open. “I lost my grace before the other angels fell.”

“What happened?”

“Goddamn, you ask a lot of questions.” Castiel falls back onto the couch and puts his feet up on the box that doubles as a coffee table. “I’d stop worrying about me and worry more about your own situation.”

“And what do you know about my ‘situation’?”

Castiel sips at his beer and stares out the dingy window. “Give me your keys.”

“Why would I do that?”

Castiel’s head flops to the side and looks at Lucifer with a bored expression. “You kidnapped me last night.”

“I did not kidnap you.”

“Oh yes, you just picked me up and-”

“Brought you home.”

“ _Without_ my car.” With one deep gulp Castiel finishes his beer and throws it into the garbage can with the rest. “And now I have no way to get to work.”

“You have a job?” Lucifer asks surprised.

“Of course, how do you think I pay for this thing?”

“I would hope they wouldn’t make you pay money for living in squalor,” Lucifer scoffs. “I suppose your boss doesn’t know you drink before work.”

Castiel stands and cracks his stiff neck before heading towards his bedroom. “At least I don’t drink at work, not like that asshole.”

He comes out in a little red vest and head straight to the couch. Having spotted Lucifer’s coat there, Castiel takes a chance and searches its pockets before Lucifer can stop him.  “Well, what am I to do while you’re gone?”

“Drink, sleep, figure out of the television works. You’ll figure something out.” Castiel straightens his vest and runs a hand through his bedhead. “How do I look?”

“Like a drunk.”

“Excellent, I’ll fit right in.” Castiel grabs his coat and walks out with a final wave over his shoulder. Lucifer wanders the apartment while he is alone. There isn’t much to see though. One bedroom, one bathroom, a conjoined kitchen and living room. Sparsely decorated. One bed, one dresser, one couch, one television propped up on a folding table and a crate in the centre of the room. Lucifer thinks the crate and table would be better suited in reverse order but it wasn’t his house so he didn’t move anything.

He snoops, through the cupboards, through the drawers and whatever else might hold some interest. He finds one dresser drawer full of neatly folded dress clothes and the other crammed haphazardly with jeans and tee-shirts. Most of the cupboards are empty except for the sparse supply of junk food and rice. The fridge is half full of beer and the other half food that should have been thrown out a long time ago. The medicine cabinet is stuffed with things not legally prescribed.

Eventually Lucifer does settle down. He fiddles with the television, an item he hadn’t had time to use last time he was on earth, and flips through every channel at least a dozen times looking for something to watch. Lucifer settles on a show about a family running a dingy burger restaurant. It marathons through several episodes and Lucifer fills several glasses of water and emptied many half eaten bags of chips during those hours. At one point he dozes off with a threadbare blanket thrown over his shoulders.

When he awakens it is to the barest hint of morning begin to lighten the city. Groggily, Lucifer sits up and looks for signs that Castiel has returned. Instead he finds the place as empty as when he fell asleep. Lucifer cusses to himself and shoves his shoes on. He walks down to the front desk where a man has his head rested in his arms. Lucifer stands in front of him and when the man doesn’t move he slams his hand down on the bell.

The man jolts awake and stares up at Lucifer with wide eyes. “Do you have a phone?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Is that a question?”

“No, no, we have a phone.” He spins in his chair and picks up an old cordless phone. “Don’t you?”

Lucifer ignores his question and takes the phone. “Give me a number for a taxi.”

The man flips through a binder and hands him a list of cabs. Lucifer orders one and hangs up, handing the phone to the clerk and turns to leave without another word. When the taxi comes Lucifer knows exactly where to send it. He directs him to the same spot he found Castiel the day before and when they arrive Lucifer tosses him the last of his cash.

Walking around he finds many people crawling home from their night out drinking or getting high. Someone of them laugh having had one crazy night and others stare dead eyed at Lucifer as they pass, having had crazy months and years that have sucked the life out of them. Since they were slowly scattering back to their homes it wasn’t so hard to find Castiel, only a few remained on the streets mostly because they were still passed out. When he finds Castiel, sleeping and curled up next to a dumpster, it would be an understatement to say he’s simply angry. Still, he pushes it down and it hardly shows on his well maintained exterior.

Bending on one knee he places a hand on Castiel’s arm and tries to rouse him. “Castiel.” When a shake doesn’t wake him Lucifer’s hand travels up to Castiel’s neck and cups his chin, using his thumb to brush hair out of his eyes. Lucifer repeats his name over and over until the other man’s eyes begin to flicker.

“Still alive, I see,” Lucifer says.

“Lucifer?” Castiel asks groggily while attempting to sit up. “Haven’t we done this before?”

“Unfortunately, yes. This is the second day I’ve found you here.”

Castiel wipes some dirt off his face. “You’re not going to lecture me are you?”

“Would it do anything?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “No, not a damn thing.”

“It’s time to go home, little brother,” Lucifer says

Castiel’s eyes grow unfocused and he looks off into the distance past Lucifer’s shoulder. “It has been a long time since anyone called me that.”

The ride home is long and tense. Castiel wants to take his own card home but Lucifer refuses when Castiel can’t even walk in a straight line. Grudgingly he agrees and climbs into Lucifer car after he agrees to bring Castiel back the next day to get his car. Lucifer tries not to wonder how many times he’d driven home like that before. Just as they did the night before Lucifer helps Castiel up the many stairs to his apartment and helps him into bed. Castiel flops down onto the bed and struggles to take off his jacket. “Close the curtains, it’s too bright.”

The curtains are thin and don’t do much but Lucifer obliges and pulls them over the window. Castiel roles onto his side and watches Lucifer as he moves. “Is that couch comfortable to sleep on?”

“I’ve slept on worse.”

Castiel hums. “You’ve been here a while then? Before you came to Chicago?”

“A few weeks.”

“I hope it’s not too much of a disappointment.”

“I’ll talk to you in the morning.” Lucifer begins to walk towards the door but Castiel snatches his wrist and tugs him towards the bed.

“You don’t need to sleep out there.” Castiel inches over to the edge on the bed and patted the free space with his spare hand. “There’s plenty of space.”

Lucifer eyes the bed and then turns his attention to the way the tips of Castiel’s pull up ever so slightly with his request. “You’ll forgive me if I’m a bit suspicious.”

“If you can’t trust your family, who can you trust?”

Lucifer grunts. “My family locked me up in the pit.”

Castiel ignores him and yanks him down onto the bed. He puts both hands on Lucifer’s shoulders and pushes him down. Lucifer doesn’t resist, not because he is particularly interested but simply to see how far he’d push. There was little doubt in his mind Castiel wanted something also. Castiel places his body on top of Lucifer’s, flops an arm across his chest and rests his chin there. “Doesn’t you ever get lonely?”

“No,” Lucifer says curtly.

“I think you’re lying,” Castiel teases.

“I think you’re high.” Castiel laughs and nods, no point lying when Lucifer can only see a sliver of iris around his dilated pupil. Castiel’s hand slithers up Lucifer’s flank and goes to rest on his chin, stroking it the same as Lucifer had done to him earlier in the evening. Lucifer holds Castiel’s elbow, he feels it shake with the effort to keep his arm up. He watches the sway of Castiel’s head as he tries to stay up right. It’s been a long night and Castiel is fighting to stay awake. Something gnaws at Lucifer when he looks at the broken shell of his brother. A horrible mix of rage and guilt, concern and blame. Castiel mumbles something he can’t hear. “What’s that?”

Castiel speaks again but his words are still much too jumbled to understand. Then he ever so gently lays his head on Lucifer’s chest in a moment he is asleep. Lucifer considers pushing his brother off of him and going to sleep on the couch but the bed is much softer and Castiel’s body is warm against him. With a sigh he reaches over and pulls the blanket over them. Lucifer contemplates the events of the last two days and how insane everything has turned out. Honestly he had expected to find Castiel with the Winchesters. The plan had been to lure him away from them for a few minutes, as he had done in Carthage all those years ago, demand some answers and perhaps convince him to help if it was needed. Instead Lucifer finds him in pieces, drinking until he couldn’t walk, getting high until he couldn’t remember anymore. Lucifer knew Castiel knew more than he was saying, avoiding the subject at al cost, but what he didn’t know is why he wouldn’t tell Lucifer. If roles were reversed Lucifer would recruit anyone he thought could help free him of his damn human binding. Lucifer’s eyelids begin to droop and Castiel snuggles up tight against him. His concerns will have to wait till tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

Lucifer decides not to push Castiel. After all Lucifer spent millions of years in the cage waiting for his demons to release him, he could stand a few more weeks on earth. Castiel watches him with weary eyes the first few days, clearly unsure what Lucifer’s intentions are. They live around each other, hardly ever in the same room at once sometimes not even speaking to each other for several days. Lucifer spends much of his time on his phone, keeping in contact with Elizabeth and the few demons she trusts enough to reveal Lucifer’s presence too. He starts building an army and Castiel brings home a meager amount of cash each day.

One day Lucifer is sending out a wall of text on his phone and Castiel asks him, “how do you pay for that?”

“Credit card.”

“Yes, but how do you pay that off?”

Lucifer pauses and looks up at his brother. “I never thought about it much.”

“Never thought about it? You must know that credit cards aren’t free money.”

Lucifer is sure that Elizabeth is putting money on the card, with the way she fawns over him so, but he keeps that information to himself. He doesn’t need to share anymore than Castiel does.

Castiel insists that Lucifer needs to find a job. He tells Lucifer that they live on earth now and he needs to start living by their rules. Then Castiel grumbles about having to pay to forge paper for him. He disappears into his room to go talk to someone on his phone and then disappears into the night. At least Castiel manages to make it home that night. He drops a bunch of crumpled papers on Lucifer’s lap and goes to sleep off whatever has blown his pupils so wide.

Lucifer finds work picking up night shifts at a gas station. It doesn’t pay much and the is never much to do but it kills a few hours and he’s home in time to keep an eye on Castiel. The man who ‘trained’ him eyed his car suspiciously probably wondering why anyone driving something like that would want to work in such a dingy place. Lucifer is sure the man assumes he’s hooked on something. So, Lucifer begins to spend a few nights a week making sure no one stole any gas or chocolate bars. The first couple hours are busy as people make their way home from late dinners and bars. After that Lucifer only gets a few customers each hour of his shift. With nothing else to do he reads, at first it was the trashy magazines they stalked but then he begins to use that time to continue planning dethroning Crowley. While he doesn’t have many books that might give him any answers he directs Elizabeth to a few books she can smuggle out of hell. When she has a deal near by she quickly sneaks them in before another demon can spot her.

Of course there’s nothing. Lucifer reads and rereads everything inch of material he has but there’s nothing. Not even a hint of what could have pulled him from the cage or what could have sent all the angels to earth. His frustrations builds but there is nothing he can do.

“Where do you get all these old books?” Castiel asks one night when he flops down on the couch next to Lucifer.

“I have my ways,” Lucifer says. Castiel flips the television on and put his feet up on the crate. Lucifer watches him out of the corner of his eyes while he pretends to read. Though he tries to hide it by crossing his arms and tucking them away, Castiel’s hand are beginning to shake. A steady tremble that begins at his elbows and vibrates down to his fingers. A tiny sheen of sweat builds on his forehead and drips down his paling skin. Over the course of the television show Lucifer watches the anxiety rise inside Castiel, who begins to fidget and squirm in his seat.

When the show ends Castiel reaches for the remote, speedily explaining that there is nothing good on at this hour so he might just o out. Lucifer grabs it first and places a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, the contact clearly catches him by surprise as he jumps a little and looks at Lucifer with eyes wide as a saucer. “Why don’t you stay in tonight?”

“Stay in?” Castiel echoes.

“Yes. Doesn’t it get exhausting spending all night on the street?”

Castiel deflates into the couch with a heavy sigh. “It does, actually.”

Lucifer clicks through the sparse channels till he finds a movie. It’s an old movie set in Australia, Lucifer has never heard of it and has no idea what’s going on as a group of Aboriginals circle the couple on the television but Castiel doesn’t complain about it. They watch in silence, it is not an uncomfortable one but Lucifer can tell Castiel is focusing all his energy trying to hide his withdrawal from Lucifer. A commercial comes up and Castiel excuses himself before quickly make his way to the bathroom. The commercial is already over by the time Castiel returns. Lucifer decides not to mention his sudden lack of tremors or his droopy eyes. At least Castiel made an effort to be sober for the night, it’s a start.

“He’s dead now,” Castiel’s head flops back and he watches the television through half lidded eyes.

“Who?”

“The actor.”

“ _Which_ actor,” Lucifer emphasizes annoyed.

“Oh.” Castiel examines the screen as if a name might pop out of it. “The British one, he was in some movies about witches.”

“Interesting.” It isn’t, Lucifer doesn’t care much about dead men but it’s nice to have a conversation with Castiel.

“In modern Australian movies,” Castiel begins. His hand makes a big sweeping motion to indicate…well Lucifer isn’t sure what it could be besides declaring he is about to say something profound. “They start the film with an acknowledgment that is portrays Aboriginal actors because…uh…several cultures have taboos about images of their dead.”

“Is that so?” Castiel nods and sinks deeper into the couch. The rest of the movie is watched in relative silence. Another film plays and they watch it as well. Castiel squints as the main character races and jumps across the rooftops with his cape billowing behind him. Castiel tells Lucifer that Dean was rather fond of this man, considering him to be the embodiment of ‘awesome’. Lucifer raises an eyebrow at the man’s giant ears and rubber nipples, not exactly what Lucifer thought humans considered to be particularly manly.

After that Lucifer begins to see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. Castiel spends less nights out running around the streets. Lucifer isn’t an idiot, he knows Castiel hasn’t quit his drugs but he slowly weens himself off. There are bad days, days Castiel comes home trashed, but they start becoming fewer and farther in between. The money Castiel makes finally starts to pile up when it’s not being used to buy drugs and alcohol. They speak about saving enough to move somewhere better or getting someone to look at that cough Castiel has.

Everything was getting better.

Until it all fell down again.

“Will you wait here?” Castiel asks as he parks the car. “I will be back in a moment.”

“Where are you going?”

“I just have to drop off some things Ryan left at work.” He reaches into the back seat and grabs a paper bag fro the ground.

“He couldn’t wait till your next shift?”

Castiel chuckles. “No, he is an impatient man.”

Lucifer shrugs and sinks down further in his seat. Castiel leaves with a loud slam of his door and walks into the park across the street. Lucifer takes out his phone and goes through his messages, each button he presses produces a little _click_ sound that he still hasn’t figured out how to turn off.

“It’s been hard to get you alone these days.” Lucifer glances up into the mirror to see Elizabeth sitting in the back seat.

“Well, I’ve had things to do.”

Elizabeth’s nose crinkles. “You don’t have to…work for these human. I could find you money.”

Lucifer shakes his head. “That comes with risk. You spend too much time finding money instead of making deals, Crowley will become suspicious.” Elizabeth’s eyes drop and she pauses. “What is it?”

“He knows you are top side.” Lucifer watches her look out both windows, worry clear in the lines around her eyes. “I don’t know how but he knows.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

“Not me but someone higher up the food chain heard him talking.” She leans forward in her seat and touches Lucifer’s arm. “He’s trying to keep it hush-hush. Crowley’s afraid of you.”

“He should be.” Lucifer picks up her hand and sets it on his arm rest instead. Opening the glove compartment, he begins to rummage through it. “I need you to get me some things.”

“Of course, sir.” Lucifer nearly laughs at the way she says _sir_ , completely genuine and sincere. Lucifer hardly feel up to the status of god these days but it’s nice to know a few of his demons remain loyal. Lucifer finds a pen and an old receipt and scribbles a few items on it. He then folds it up and hands it back to her.

“Be careful, Elizabeth. You’re no used to me dead,” he warns.

“Yes, sir.” And then she _proofs_ off on her way to another deal. Lucifer sighs and rubs a hand over his tired eyes, he is so close to hitting a wall he can feel. He still has yet to push Castiel for more information and on the other side of this unlucky coin Lucifer is his underground army of loyal demons under wraps.

Glancing at the clock Lucifer notices that his brother has been gone a suspiciously long time. He groans and grabs the keys out of the ignition before getting out of the car. Hopefully no one wants to steel this pieces of junk.

Lucifer behinsg to walk to wear Castiel went off in. He passes an old play ground and in the distance sees Castiel standing underneath an old oak tree alongside a stranger. Though they both look agitated but he can’t hear anything yet. He doesn’t even see the bat until it get sent flying into Castiel’s feet, knocking him onto the ground.

“I don’t have anymore,” Castiel coughs.

“Well that’s really fucking sad for you,” the man kicks him in the stomach sending him onto his back, “because that means you’re still short.

“Castiel!” Lucifer shouts. He breaks into such a sudden run that he nearly trips on his own feet. Both men turn to look towards him and Castiel makes good use of his distraction and climbs to his feet. Castiel attempts to limp over to Lucifer but the other man spins around and slams the bat into his stomach again. Lucifer reaches them and draws his hand back, sending a flying fist into the man’s jaw. He staggers and Lucifer kneels down next to where Castiel has fallen. “What did he do?”

Castiel spits out a wad of blood. “He hit me with a bat.”

Lucifer needs to bit his tongue at Castiel’s snarky reply. “Why?”

“This prick owes me money.”

“Chris,” Castiel groans. “I can get more.”

Chris slings the bat over his shoulder. “And how you going to do that? How much you make a day? How much of that are you going to piss away on drugs before I even see a dime?”

Lucifer pulls Castiel’s arm across his shoulder and helps him to his feet. “How much does he owe you?”

“Too much.”

Lucifer grits his teeth. “Are you going to be vague and receive nothing or are you going to give me real numbers?”

Chris eyes him wearily. “Two grand.”

“Two grand?” Lucifer dips his head towards Castiel in surprise.

“Did I stutter?”

Lucifer’s finger twitch, he wants to be able to just snap his fingers and rip the dealer’s atoms into a billion different directions. But he’s weak now. The man has a bat and Castiel is coughing and heaving up blood and bile. Lucifer straightens and puts an arm around Castiel’s waist to support him Castiel remains heavy against him, slouched and holding his battered stomach. “I’ll pay.”

“You?” Chris raises a brow. He takes his bat and points it at Castiel, the angel’s blood still staining the wood. “You’re going to pay off his debt?”

“Yes. Is my money not good enough for you?”

Chris shrugs. “Cash is cash.”

“Then I will deliver it to you tomorrow.” Chris gives him a strange look, an amused smile tugs half heartedly at the edges of his lips. “What?”

“Nothing. You know he’s a whore right?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying. Don’t fall in love with whores, friend.” Chris turns to leave and waves a hand above his head. “The whore knows my address.”

Lucifer jaw aches from the now constant grind of his teeth trying to keep his anger simmering. He carries Castiel’s weight as his brother can barely hold himself up, let alone walk. They are nearly back at the car when they hear Chris call to them. “And I know where he lives too, so have the money by tomorrow night or next time I’ll _break_ something.”

Lucifer stops dead, his grip on Castiel tightens and his skin nearly vibrates with rage. With the little strength he has Castiel struggles to raise his arm and gently place it on Lucifer’s chest and rubs a circle with his thumb. “Let it go.”

For the first time in his life Lucifer swallows his pride and take Castiel home.

The ride home and long trip up the stairs is difficult for Castiel, Lucifer hears him gasp and groan with each bump and steps. As gently as he can Lucifer sets Castiel on his bed and lays him down. Then he begins to pull off his shoes and socks, shirt and pants, until he’s left in only a pair of boxers. Lucifer examines Castiel’s torso, his mid sections is deep red and his ribs have turned an ugly purple. Lucifer presses his finger tips into Castiel’s ribs who hisses and recoils but Lucifer doesn’t fell that anything is broken.

Lucifer stands and walks into the kitchen to look for ice. After some digging he finds a freezer burnt bag of peas and returns to the bedroom where he wraps it up in one of Castiel’s shirts and hands it to him. Castiel mumbles a _thank you_ and puts it on his bruises.

“Will you be okay alone for a few minutes?” Lucifer asks and Castiel slowly nods. “I am going to get some things. I won’t be one long.”

Castiel doesn’t answer so Lucifer decides to just leave and be as quick as he can. He goes to the corner store and buys some aspirin, ice and bandages. Lucifer debates on what else to buy as he’s never had to deal with sickness or injuries before, at least not ones he couldn’t instantly heal. He decides to add ibuprofen   for the swelling and Benadryl to help him sleep. After a moment of hesitation, he grabs a bottle of malt liquor for the pain.

The clerk gives him a strange look and tell Lucifer there is a free clinic a few miles away that opens at nine if someone is in trouble. Lucifer nods in thanks and takes his items with him. When he gets home Castiel is trying to lie still with a soggy bad of peas wetting his skin. “Sit up.”

Castiel groans but pushes himself up. Lucifer kneels down next to the bed and pulls his supplies out of the bag. He hands Castiel two aspirins and two ibuprofens and a bottle of Gatorade and tells him to drink. Castiel spots the bottle of malt liquor and gives Lucifer a tired smile. “Is that for me?”

“Only if you need it.” Lucifer picks up the bandages and begins to wrap Castiel’s chest. “You need to be able to take full breaths of air. If it’s too tight, tell me.”

“It’s fine.” He flinches when Lucifer pulls the bandage over his sore ribs and he lets out a wheezy breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” Lucifer tells him.

Castiel tries to stay quiet but he can’t stop the flood of all his emotions rushing out. “Chris ignored the debt when I was buying from him still, paying it off small amounts at a time. As long as I was…but I’ve been using less. At least I’ve been trying too but I’m weak.”

Lucifer tugs on the bandage and Castiel hisses. “You’re not weak.”

“I am,” Castiel insists, grabbing Lucifer’s hand. “I’m so weak now. I used to be strong, I was a soldier, I gave my life defending mankind.”

“Castiel.” Lucifer squeezes his brothers hand but Castiel doesn’t stop.

“But it wasn’t enough. It was _never_ enough. I don’t know what happened. I ruined everything I touched.”

“Castiel,” Lucifer repeats and Castiel finally looses it and bursts into tears.

“I’m sorry, brother,” Castiel sobs. “This is all my fault and I just couldn’t handle it.”

Lucifer shushes him and places a hand on his jaw. “You’re not alone anymore.” Castiel tries to pull away but Lucifer grabs Castiel’s face and makes his brother look at him. “No more drugs.”

“I don’t-”

“No more drugs,” Lucifer says firmly. Castiel lets out a shaky breath and nods. Lucifer rises and walks to the bathroom, turning the tap to heat some water and grabs a washcloth from the bathtub and soaks it. When he returns Castiel is curled up on the bed and barely reacts to his presence. Lucifer sits next to him and runs the warm cloths over his cheek and down his chin, clearing up the dried blood that clung to his skin.

When his face is clean, Lucifer reaches behind himself and takes out the liquor and pills. He dumps four into Castiel’s hand and opens the bottle. “take this, it will help you sleep.”

Castiel swallows the pills and a mouth full of liquor and then another. “I’ll stay here with you. You’ll drift off to sleep and in the morning everything will be better.”

Castiel tries to take another shot but Lucifer pries the bottle out of his clenched fingers. “Only enough for the pain.”

Slowly Castiel lowers himself back down again, wincing as his sore muscles stretched and contracted. Lucifer grabs the blankets that are pooled at the foot of the bed and pulls it around themselves. Castiel inches closer to his brother but Lucifer keeps his distance. It’s only once Castiel’s lids droop and he finally falls into a deep sleep does Lucifer risk a touch. He glides a finger across Castiel’s forehead and sweeps his hair off his face.

Then he gets off the bed and heads out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Lucifer pulls his jacket tighter against his chest to keep out the icy wind. He must say that being able to feel the ever fluctuating hot and cold is one of his most hated aspects of living on earth. Lucifer climbs into his car and begins to rifle through the glove compartment. His fingers curl around the carton of cigarettes that Castiel left behind and he shakes one out onto the seat.

The lighter takes three flicks before it jumps to life and lights the end of Lucifer’s cigarette and takes a slow drag. He sits for a moment to plan his next few steps then turns the engine and lets the car roar to life. The city is beginning to come to life again, the street lights start to flicker off and people come sleepily from their homes and into their cars. Lucifer knows he doesn’t have long.

He pulls up to his intended destination, a nice house at the edge of the city. It’s not too big for people to question where the money comes from but not as run down as his clients. He lives far enough away from the slums that his workplace isn’t crawling with cops. Lucifer doesn’t even try the front door, might rouse a bit of attention, instead he heads straight for the back door. Just like everyone else he doesn’t think to lock the back door. Lucifer seats himself on an overstuffed couch and lights another cigarette. The sky is just starting to turn orange outside the window and Lucifer stares at the clouds between the tree branches. It is oddly peaceful considering what he was planning to do.

When Chris finally returns home Lucifer watches him waddle up his drive way with arms full of groceries. It would almost look normal if Lucifer couldn’t see the bloody bat in the back of Chris’s car. Chris opens the door and cusses at the dimly lit room and fumbles for the light switch. Instead Lucifer pulls the string of the lamp beside him.

“Jesus!” Chris yells and jumps, dropping the brown bags in his arms and sending his groceries crashing onto the floor. He looked panicked, eyes wide and skin pale, but then his eyes adjust to the brightness and he sees Lucifer sitting in his living room. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Expecting someone else?” Lucifer asks, lighting another cigarette.

“Nah,” Chris laughs. “I expected you to run like a dog when you couldn’t get the money. This is a surprise.”

“Well I’ve always been a bit rebellious.” Smoke billows out from Lucifer’s nostrils and drifts around his head. Chris eyes him wearily and kicks off his shoes.

“I don’t suppose you have that money, do you?”

“No,” Lucifer replies bluntly.

“Then I think we have a problem.”

 “You think so?” Lucifer laughs. He reaches into his waist ban and pulls out a gun, cocks it and lazily point it at the drug dealer. Little Thursday is not very good at hiding his belongings. Lucifer snubs out his cigarette on the coffee table by his side. “To be honest, I do have a bit of a problem with you.”

He sneers, “You can blow my brain right out of my skull, he’ll just find another dealer. Addicts are rats.”

“I’m not going to kill you.” He pulls the trigger and shatters the bones in his toes. Chris screams and falls to the ground, clutching his foot. It’s a graze really, just the side of his foot but it still must hurt like hell. Lucifer sighs and rises to his feet. “Killing you is pointless, there’d be no one to warn the others.”

“Fuck!” Chris yells as blood seeps into his carpet.

“How many gunshots do you neighbours hear a week? Fireworks? Cars backfiring? Did you pick a nice enough neighbourhood that they call the police after every loud noise they hear? Do you think anyone is on their way?”

“You fucking psycho!” Chris rolls onto his side and curls around his injured foot.

Lucifer kneels down next to Chris. “I’m sure in a good deal of pain but try and listen for a moment.”

Chris sobs but nods.

“Castiel is never coming home high again. Do you understand?”

“But I-I can’t…” Chris stutters

Lucifer shoves the gun under the man’s chin. “You tell everyone. _Everyone_. And if you don’t, I’ll come back here and break a limb. And another, as many as I have to.”

“Okay, okay,” Chris nods vigorously.

“Good.” Lucifer stands and looks down at the food spilled around him. He reaches down and picks up his carton of eggs. He flips open the top, examines contents and clicks his tongue before setting them on the table. “Well, the good news is your eggs aren’t cracked.”

Lucifer puts the gun back into his pocket and steps over Chris on his way out.

It is well into morning when Lucifer pulls into his parking lot. Most of the other cars are gone, their owners are off to another day’s work. Lucifer tries to keep quite when he opens the door to their apartment, shuts it as gently as he can and takes his shoes off so his feet make little noise. It doesn’t matter though because when he walks into the bedroom Castiel is staring up at the ceiling and spread out across the bed.

When Castiel sees him move out of the corner of his eye he shifts to make room for his brother and pushes himself under the faded blanket. Lucifer shrugs off his jacket and crawls in next to Castiel. They settle into a silence and Lucifer hopes Castiel won’t press him but ever the little brother he is Castiel asks, “where were you?”

“Nowhere.”

“You had to have been somewhere.” Castiel puts his head on Lucifer’s shoulder and throws an arm across his torso. Despite their growing affections Castiel had yet to do anything so close to cuddling as he now was and it startled Lucifer at first. A great deal of time has passed since Lucifer had been touched so, with only tenderness and love and nothing more sinister behind it. Castiel tightens his hold on Lucifer and whispers softly, “you didn’t do anything stupid did you?”

“I never do anything stupid.”

“Lucifer…” Worry edges Castiel voice and the tips oh his fingers dip into Lucifer’s side.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, Castiel.” Lucifer knows from his tight muscles and bowed head that Castiel doesn’t like that answer. He knows his little brother well enough to know he hates being kept in the dark, hates being lied to and shoved aside. He slides his finger up Castiel’s back and rests them in his raven locks. Lucifer turns his head to the side and presses his lips against Castiel’s forehead. “It’s nothing, really.”

He feels Castiel nod slowly against his chest. “I couldn’t sleep when you were gone.”

“Are you in much pain?” Lucifer asks and runs his nails against the nape of Castiel’s neck. Castiel lets out a harsh laugh which turns into a fit of coughs. “Do you want me to get you more pills?”

“No,” Castiel pulls the blankets up over his shoulders. “Just stay here this time.”

“Very well.”

Lucifer continues to pet Castiel and hums softly as he does, an old song he had long ago forgotten the words too, one they had once heard in heaven together. Back when all the angels were together and in their home. It hurts to think about, a bittersweet memory of when he was happy instead of hunted, but it lulls Castiel into a deep sleep. When his brother’s sleep grows slow and even Lucifer finally allows himself to relax. It had been a long, stressful day. He could only hope that by tomorrow things would be different.


	8. Chapter 8

Lucifer waits for the other shoe to drop. So unused to happiness he is sure that this is all some vindictive plot set up by his father to lure him into contentment just to crush it all. He worries for Castiel, worries he might be a victim of Lucifer’s curse. Lucifer agonizes over the thought of his little brother being set up only to be knocked down.

But nothing happens.

Life returns to normal, well, as normal as it can be considering they were fallen angel living in a high crime area of the city. It’s not a perfect life by any means but the mundaneness of life lets Lucifer focus more on building his army, even if every day he becomes a little less sure what he is even building an army for.

Off the drugs Castiel begins to perk up though Lucifer can tell he still struggles. Struggles with his addictions, struggles with his life on earth. Now Castiel works regularly and not just till he earns enough for his next fix and Lucifer can spend more time at his own job instead of running around looking after Castiel. Its good practice since real jobs are probably not as lenient about leaving in the middle of a night shift.

Castiel still drinks. Lucifer pretends not to notice when his brother’s breath reeks of whiskey on the days his body aches for something stronger. Castiel doesn’t mention when Lucifer pours whatever is left over the next day. But slowly they crawl their way out of the hole they were in. A light begins shines at the end of tunnel.

“It’s been…” Castiel pauses and looks up trying to search for the right words but only comes up with, “it’s been a good day.”

“That’s it?”

“It’s been a really good day.” Castiel sits down next to Lucifer and stretches his arms across the back of the couch. “We don’t have many of those.”

“What was so special about today?”

“Nothing, that’s the thing it was just perfectly average.”

“You’re very peculiar.”

Money begins to pile up when it’s not being spent in back allies. Their apartment begins to be furnished with actual furniture instead of crates and garbage. They are small upgrades but everything is something they earned. Lucifer might not be very fond of humans but it is not an altogether unpleasant thing to work for something and succeed in getting it. Heaven was full of nothing and they were expected to wish for nothing. Hell is just a place where your punished for wanting things. And he not only wants things now, he needs things, he needs food and water, shelter and warmth. He didn’t realize the simple joy of wanting something and having it in arms reach. If he was cold, he could wrap himself in that ugly but warm knitted afghan Castiel bought. If he was hungry, there was a cupboard full of food that he could choose from.

Despite their modest amount of wealth, they don’t buy a second bed. They sleep beside each other each night, sometimes one of them rolls over in their sleep and snuggle up to other. Not much happens besides that, they are in a strange in-between not quite together but obviously more then just the roommates everyone thinks they are.

Lucifer wakes up one day and months have passed, he has been back on earth for nearly a year and has done so much yet so little. His conversations with Elizabeth and the other demons grow further and further apart. He is loosing his desire to take back Hell. Not that he doesn’t still despise Crowley, if he ever went saw that rat again Lucifer would end him, but Lucifer thinks he has had enough of Hell.

Lucifer lounges on the couch, sore from a long shift on his feet and restocking heavy items. He won’t lie, he is a little bitter that he was once the first in heaven and now has a mundane minimum wage job. Castiel comes home that night with a huge grin and a handful of dollars.

“That’s one thousand dollars.” Castiel shoves a handful of bills into the glass jar they keep on the table. “What do you say we get the hell out of here?”

“This place does have a certain charm though.” Lucifer threads his fingers behind his head and kicks his feet up on the arm of the couch. “Wouldn’t you miss it?”

Castiel makes a face and screws the lid back onto the jar. “I will never even think of this place again.”

Lucifer laughs. “Where would we go?”

“Some were inexpensive.” Castiel peaks out the window at all the lost souls wandering the street. “Maybe out in the country.”

“Chicago doesn’t have a country, little brother.”

“Well then let’s just leave Chicago.” Castiel crosses the room and shoves Lucifer’s feet off the couch. “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a place with trees and fresh air?”

“I’ve grown accustomed to the concrete and smog.” Castiel sits down next to Lucifer and pulls off his jacket, tossing it to the floor. “But anything to please you. We can start looking during the weekend.”

Lucifer mentions his intent to move to Elizabeth when he sees her later that night. The gas station was as dead as a graveyard, no one but Elizabeth had entered the door since he started working and the flickering lights where making him squint and giving him a headache. She takes the news with pursed lips and narrowed eyes. “Is there something you’d like to say?”

“No,” she says with a hard voice but with one look from Lucifer she changes her answer. “Yes.”

“Well, out with it then,” he orders. Her mouth opens and closes like a gapping fish as she tries and fails to say something. “I don’t have all day.”

“You’re supposed to be building an army.”

“I already have an army.”

“Then you’re not _doing_ anything with it!”

“What was that?” He leans foreword onto the counter and narrows his eyes at his demon. “I don’t owe you anything.”

 “Crowley is killing us!” She shouts, her small hands clenching into fists. “Anytime any of us help you we put ourselves in danger.”

Lucifer lowers his voice. “Then don’t help me anymore.”

“I had faith in you,” her eyes begin to water and her lip quivers. “Even when you ended up in the pit, I still believed in you. I still knew you’d come back to us.”

 “I’m not anyone’s hero, Elizabeth.” He slams the book in front of him closed and waves his hand dismissively at the demon. “Go.”

“But-”

“ _Now_ ,” he stresses. Just to be petty, Elizabeth slams the door on her way out. What follows is two weeks of silence from her and Lucifer doesn’t message any of the other demons that have slowly been filling up his contact list. Castiel and Lucifer spend their spare afternoons searching for a new place to live and Lucifer hates every moment of it. The landlords are either all incredible sketchy or they are just too sweet to be believable. But every time Castiel turns to look at him, Lucifer smile and nods like he is enjoy looking at empty room after empty room. If it makes Castiel happy to live in a place with bigger windows and a balcony than it makes Lucifer happy too. Especially when he gets to see the giant grin on Castiel's face when they find the perfect apartment. 

"I want this one," Castiel declares, sliding the glass balcony door closed. "What do you think?"

"I think it's perfect."

"So, we'll do it then?" Castiel asks, suddenly unsure. "We'll buy this place and live here, together?"

Lucifer holds Castiel's hand and squeezed. That's enough of an answer for him.


	9. Chapter Nine

Lucifer is curled up around Castiel, sleeping beneath heavy blankets when a loud, sudden noise startles him awake. Lucifer fumbles around in the darkness trying to silence the screaming phone. His skin vibrates when he makes contact and taps the screen to answer the call. “Hello?”

There's silence and then, “who’s this?”

“Who is this?” Lucifer mimics his voice edged with annoyance.

The voice on the other end pauses, Lucifer can hear he muffled noise of someone whispering in the background. The caller returns and asks “where’s Cas?”

“Is this one of the Winchesters?” Lucifer yawns, as he begins to fully awake he starts to recognize the voice. “Well, Castiel is sleeping. So you’ll have to-”

The phone is pulled from his hand and Lucifer is about to snap at the intrusion when he turns to see Castiel scurrying out of the room with his cell phone pressed to his ear. “No, Dean. It’s no one.”

Lucifer, caught somewhere between rage and disbelief, stares at the door that Castiel just rushed out of. The bathroom light flickers on and Lucifer can hear his brother’s hushed voice as he speaks with Dean. He feels something boil in the pit of his stomach, something more intense than anger. Lucifer falls back onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling fan, eyes tracking its blades as they spin and spin. Over and over again his mind invents conversations the angel might be having with that hunter. Is Castiel hiding him from Dean? Is Dean about to call Castiel out on a hunt after not speaking to him in months? His mind doesn’t dare think of anything more intimate than that. Still, every other scenario whirls through his head.

 When Castiel returns he silently crawls back into bed then lays on his back and stares up at the ceiling. An obvious gap exists between the two of them, a chasm in the bed were neither of them touch. "That was Dean."

"I know."

Castiel pauses again, his eyes briefly flicker over to Lucifer then back to the stained ceiling. "Gadreel is there, too."

That actually does surprise Lucifer. "He is?"

"Yes. He fell to earth with the rest of us." Castiel raises his hands to his chest and his fingers nervously twirl the fabric of the blanket. "He is inside Sam. I don't think he knows that I know...he made Dean kick me out. I think Gadreel is afraid that I'll tell other angel where he is. I wouldn't...I don't want him to suffer anymore than he already did. I don't any of us to suffer anymore."

"If Dean kicked you why is he still calling you?" Lucifer tries to make his voice sound too accusatory. "Did you tell me I was here?"

“You don’t understand,” Castiel groans, and Lucifer suddenly realizes how close to tears Castiel is. “I love you.”

“So?” Lucifer asks without missing a beat.

Castiel is caught off guard by his response. “What do you mean ‘so’? I just told you I love you.”

“What does that have to do wit the Winchesters?”

“They won’t…they won’t ever let us live out in peace. If they knew you were back on earth…they would never stop hunting you. We’d have to live our entire lives on the run, wondering when they might show up and decide ‘today’s the day we kill the devil’. What kind of life would that be? I want you to find happiness not constantly be looking over your shoulder.”

Lucifer’s voice softens and he allows a small to tug at the corner of his lips. “You’d go through all that just to stay with me?”

Castiel doesn’t even need to think about his answer. “Of course. If they tossed you back in, I would literally trudge through hell to find you.”

“Even though it means giving up every person you’ve met on earth, maybe even our other brothers and sisters?”

Castiel eyes drop and Lucifer sees the sting in them. “You’re the one I love, Lucifer. I miss them…I wish things were different, I wish they say you like I saw you. But what other choice do I have? If it’s between you and anyone else, then it’s you.”

Lucifer is taken back by his words. No one has ever just chosen him. “You’re very peculiar, do you know that?”

Castiel laughs. “I suppose I am.”

Lucifer was about to say more but Castiel juts foreword and presses their lips together. They fall back against the bed, tangled up in each other limbs. Their hands frantically grasp at each other seeking purchase where ever they can find it, wanting to keep the other close. Each piecing of clothing manages to get pulled off and tossed to floor. They leave finger prints and bite marks across each other’s skin until they’re both sweaty and panting, stretched out across the bed holding onto just the coattails of consciousness.

 

 

* * *

 

Soon afterwards they begin to pack. Every day they seem to melt a little more into each other, become more of 'a couple'. Lucifer finds himself being disgustingly domestic with Little Thursday. When moving day comes he actually finds that he is a little excited about it. At the very least he'll be able to sleep better without all the sirens.

Castiel pulls tape across another box. "If I knew we were moving I wouldn't have bought so much."

Lucifer picks up the heavy box of dishware. "We couldn't keep eating out of take out containers and napkins."

"It had a certain charm to it." Castiel picks up his own box and they begin to head downstairs. It certainly wasn't very enjoyable having to walk up and down those stairs with heavy boxes but their new place was only on the second floor and it came with a bed they could just collapse onto when they were done. 

The moving van was half way filled when they came down with another set of boxes and found a red head leaning against their van. Castiel looks at her confused, "can we help you?"

"Lucifer, I need to speak with you," she said urgently. 

Before Lucifer can speak, Castiel jumps in. "About what?"

Elizabeth doesn't answer just stares at Lucifer with pleading eyes and ignoring the other angel. It doesn't take Castiel long to figure out who she is.

“You’re still working with demons,” Castiel voice shakes. He drops the box into the back of the truck and goes back into the building without another word. Lucifer turns to Elizabeth and the demon instantly pales but stands her ground.

“What the hell are you doing her?” He says through clenched teeth. Years ago he would have splattered her with a snap of his fingers but now he only vibrates with rage.

“You weren’t returning my messages.”

“So you just show up at my home unannounced?” Lucifer grabs her arm and pulls her behind the truck away from prying eyes.

“We _need_ you, sir,” she emphasizes. She had dropped the formalities as they grew closer and it was jarring to hear her return to them. “We’ve managed to keep rumours of your return at bay but it is only a matter of time before Crowley finds out. Then he will purge the ranks just as he did last time. He will slaughter those loyal to you, even those just suspected of being loyal, will you do nothing to stop him?”

“That isn’t my problem,” Lucifer grits his teeth. Honestly, he hates it. It makes his skin crawl but he has Castiel to think about now.

“Crowley sits on _your_ throne. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“I have no power left, Elizabeth,” he says with tired eyes. “What would you have me do?”

“Anything!” she screeches. “Anything is better than just letting us all get killed off one by one!”

“I won’t…” Lucifer struggles to find the right words “keep secrets from him any longer.”

Elizabeth looks at him with tired eyes. “You both keep secrets from each other.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lucifer snaps.

“Why don’t you ask him?” She turns and leaves without another word and Lucifer nearly goes after her, wanting to shake some sense into that thick head. This was her god she was speaking to after al.

Instead he watches her as she walks away. Stays frozen in his spot as she slowly disappears down the street. Her words stir something inside of him, something he had tried to bury deep down, the worry and suspicion about Castiel’s involvement in this entire affair. When Elizabeth is out of sight Lucifer slowly makes his way back inside. Dreading what comes next. He finds Castiel packing up more boxes, his frustration clear in the way she moves his hands and slams things down.  

“Castiel…” Lucifer’s mind orders him to ask him about what Elizabeth said but something else stops him. His heart speeds up and his mouth grows dry. Maybe he doesn’t want to know. Castiel turns around and looks at him, his eyes red with unshed tears.

“I thought you were done with that life,” his voice was harsh and scratched.

“Done with it?” Lucifer let out a chuckle. “Castiel, I’m the devil.”

“But you don’t have to be now!” Castiel says a little too loudly. “We’re human now!”

Lucifer’s eyes darken. “We will never be ‘human’ nor should we want to.”

Castiel swallow against the lump in his throat. “Heaven has only ever brought us pain, brother.”

Lucifer pauses and considers his next words carefully. “Castiel…Elizabeth seems to think you know more then you’ve told me.”

“You trust that demon more than me?” Castiel asks insulted.

“That’s not an answer,” Lucifer tells him. They enter into a staring match, both hoping the other looses their resolve before the other one does. Castiel is the first to look away, his eyes suddenly drop and he falls back onto the couch with his face in his hands.

“I thought I was helping,” Castiel groans, his shoulders begin to shake.

“What did you do?” Lucifer tries to keep his voice even. But this is it, this is where everything that has been building since they met comes crashing down. Lucifer braces himself for whatever comes next. Castiel takes a deep heavy breath and begins.

“You remember Metatron?”

Lucifer resists to urge to role his eyes. “Who could forget him? The scribe with a flair for the dramatics.”

“He told me that…the angels needed to leave humanity and sort ourselves out. He told me we could see ourselves in heaven and slowly rebuild what we had lost.”

“I would hate to agree with him.”

“He lied though,” Castiel let out a bitter laugh. “I believed everything he said but didn’t want to rebuild heaven, he just wanted to punish us. I followed him, helped him perform all these rituals and then he strapped me to a chair and ripped my grace out. Then he closed off heaven, then he banished us all to earth.”

A flame spurts to life inside Lucifer, warming his blood and tensing his muscles. To say he as angry would be an understatement but he had nowhere to direct his rage. Not that Castiel was blameless but as always he only wanted to help. He had been willing to leave his precious humans behind to try and heal his family and that rat Metatron took advantage to simply break them further apart. His fists clenched at his sides and he would have screamed if he was capable of such emotional honestly. So instead he whispers, “You should have told me.”

“Why? What could you have done,” Castiel asks dismissively which makes Lucifer clench his jaw.

“Do you think with all I know, with everything I’ve seen since the beginning of creation, I wouldn’t be able to undo what Metatron has done?”

Castiel vigorously shakes his head. “No, you can’t! If you try…if you tried and failed, you’ll have nothing left.”

“I would have never stopped trying.” Lucifer goes to sit next to Castiel. “There are always ways out an I’ve always been the best at finding loop holes.”

“You don’t understand!” Castiel snaps and jumps to his feet. “You don’t think I’ve tried? You don’t think we looked everywhere and came up empty handed. You don’t think I’ve spent hours screaming at God until my throat was raw, begging him to send me some solution?”

“Castiel,” Lucifer grabs his arm and pulls him back. “I can fix this.”

“You can’t, no one can.” Castiel struggles against his brother. Lucifer lets go of Castiel’s arm and puts his hands against his jaw instead, forcing Castiel to look at him.

“I can take us home.”

Castiel stills and for a fleeting moment Lucifer thinks maybe he has finally gotten through to him but he sees his eyes glisten and his lip quiver. “It’s not going to happen. You don’t know what will happen if you fail.”

“We aren’t meant to be here!” Lucifer begins to loose his temper even though he struggles to swallow his frustration.

“But you have me.”

“Yes, but-”

“You’re lonely, aren’t you?” Castiel rises onto his knees and his hands cup Lucifer’s jaw. “You don’t have to be lonely any more. Not with me.”

Lucifer wraps his fingers around Castiel’s wrists. “So my choices are either keep you or go back to where we belong? I can’t have both? Do I need to either suffer on earth or suffer without you?”

Castiel looks at him, crestfallen, and falls back onto the bed. “You`re all I have left, Lucifer. “

“I’m not going anywhere, Castiel,” Lucifer says firmly. “I am with you where ever you are.”

Castiel looks at him with dead eyes, the life drained out of him and Lucifer is frightened by what could have killed so much of his little brother. “There’s something I need to show you.”

“What?” Lucifer blinks. “What could you possibly have to show me?”

Castiel stands and puts his shoes on. “You need to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Understand what you’re getting yourself into,” Castiel snaps. He looks startled by his own harshness and tries to soften the blow with a terse smile. “Please, it’s important.”

Lucifer nods reluctantly and follows him out of their apartment and into their car. Castiel drives but doesn’t say much. Occasionally he makes idle chatter about building they pass. Lucifer wants to just ask for an explanation but he can see the stress lines wrinkles around Castiel eyes and the worry in frown. He decides to relax into his seat and prepare himself for whatever Castiel brings him to.


	10. Chapter Ten

An hour or so later they pull up to a huddle of trees and the empty space that marks the set of a walking path. Castiel parks on the side of the road and pockets his keys. Lucifer notices Castiel’s skin has lost some of its colour and his hands shake as they move. “I used to come here al the time.”

“Here?” Lucifer opens his door to a breeze of cold, fresh air. “What is so special about it.”

“Come on, let’s go up this hill.” Castiel takes his hand and begins to climb up the trodden path that snakes up the hill. It was not a long walk, just a steep one that required careful steps in the darkening sky. When they reached the top Castiel walked over to a makeshift wooden cross planted in the ground. He lovingly brushed off the dirt that had covered it since his last visit.

“We’ve waked all this way for a stick in the ground?”

Castiel’s finger softly stroke the battered wood. “I didn’t have anywhere else to put him.”

Lucifer’s face crunches up. “Put who?”

Castiel sits down by a tree and crosses his legs before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigarette. “I tried to warn you. I tried…sometimes we’re best off not knowing things.”

“Why am I here?” Lucifer asks.

Castiel takes a long drag on his cigarette. “Michael found me after everyone was locked out of heaven.”

“He did?”

“Yes, I guess he had the same idea as you did. I told him about Metatron, most of it at least, and for a while he was driven by his desire to fix everything.”

“That sounds like him,” Lucifer says softly, because he knows. He already knows and he doesn’t want to hear it.

“But we never found Metatron, never found the angel tablet, never really got used to living like the humans do.” Smoke billows out from Castiel’s nostrils and he gazes up at the birds circling overhead. “Of course, we didn’t have much choice. We lived together in that tiny apartment, like you and I do now, we tried to make due with what we had but…”

Lucifer watches Castiel’s eyes glaze over with memories and a jealous knot twists in his stomach. Whether its towards Castiel or Michael he cannot say. “Michael never handled defeat well.”

 “Isn’t that the truth?” Castiel laughs till the smoke in his lungs turn it into a cough. “He worked at a church for awhile, I guess it felt familiar to him, people thought he was too high and mighty though. It kept him busy though and brought in some money. But everyday, everyday, he had to look up at that giant glass window. See that ugly ass portrait of himself crushing your head beneath his heal. Had to be reminded that you were still down there in the cage. Must have been a hell of a lot worse the second time around, when he knew what it was like. And those godawful sermons! Having all those people sing about the afterlife and how great heaven would be. Totally oblivious to the fact that they were never getting in.

“It was just too much for him.”

“I don’t need to hear anymore.”

“Too bad.” Castiel rises to his feet and goes to stand by the grave again. “I tried to keep him above the water but eventually it overwhelmed us both. He liked it here. He like that there was still a bit of wilderness left, mostly untouched by men and the filth of the city. We came here to get away some times. And then he came here to die.”

“Castiel, stop.”

“He grabbed a bottle of my pills and left a note with all the money he had saved up.” He kicks at the dirt. “I knew he’d be here I just didn’t get here in time.”

Lucifer swallows at the lump in his throat. “Michael.”

“I cried like an infant all day, then I spent all night digging this grave.” Again Castiel strokes the makeshift cross. “He would have gone quickly, no pain, he would have just gone to sleep and stopped breathing.”

“No,” is all Lucifer says when he feels the last of his strength crumbles to death. Lucifer has always considered himself cold as ice and hard as diamonds and there was a time his rage against Michael had blinded him but now faced with his beloved brother’s death he turns back into the little brother Michael once raised. “Michael can’t die.”

“Lucifer,” Castiel places a hand on his brother’s shoulder but has it slapped away. Lucifer begins to tear the grass away in clumps. “Stop.”

“God wouldn’t let him die, he wouldn’t, not after all he’s done Not after-” Lucifer claws at the dirt, his fingernails catch and tear against the sticks and stones mixed in. “An archangel doesn’t just die like that.”

Castiel’s cigarette burns down to his fingers, he drops it carelessly onto the overgrown grave and stops it out. “Don’t bother.”

“You just left him here,” Lucifer mumbles ignoring the sting of his palm ripping open against a jagged rock.”

“As upset as you are now,” Castiel bends onto one knee and grabs Lucifer’s hand, “I can promise you, you’ll be a lot worse if you manage to dig out your brothers rotting corpse.”

“You-” Lucifer chokes on his words and he grabs Castiel hand. “He’s your brother too.”

“I know,” Castiel’s eyes soften and he squeezed Lucifer’s raw hand in his own. “I loved him just like you did.”

“No,” Lucifer furiously shakes his head. “Not like I did.”

Castiel rises to his feet and offers a hand to Lucifer. “Come with me, there’s no point staying any longer.”

Lucifer shakes his head. “Not yet.”

Castiel looks down at him clearly arguing with himself between forcing him to leave and letting him stay. “Okay, I’ll be waiting by the car.”

As Castiel begins his descent to the car Lucifer feels the raw flesh on his fingers finally start to sting. He tries to unsuccessfully wipe the dirt from them on his jeans but only manages to further aggravate them. A bird soars down and lands on Michael’s cross. The yellow thing tweets at him twice, its head cocked to the side, before it flutters off again. A sudden tiredness drains him and he lies down on top of the grave. His body shakes with he won’t admit are tears trying to force their way out.

Michael has always been a typical older brother. The golden child that followed his father’s orders even if it came with great personal loss. Protective over the younger ones but always with a heavy air of superiority as if being first born made him the best of all creation. An affront to their father was an affront to Michael and when Lucifer stepped out line Michael was quick to reprimand. He probably never imagined his rebellious little brother’s final temper tantrum would tear heaven apart. Michael most likely thought either Lucifer or their father would eventually back down as one of them always inevitably did. Their father would shrug it off and never speak of it again or Lucifer would return grumbling about the stupidity of others. Never in his wildest imagination might youthful vanity turn into millenniums of torment trapped inside a tiny cage. Still he didn’t waiver from his position as the right hand of God.

Lucifer imagines this story of Michael, how he must have felt as the battle began, what he thought as he hurled his little brother into the pit. The supposed conflicted didn’t ease Lucifer’s mind one bit. Instead he felt anger boil through his veins. When it all threatened to spill over Lucifer slammed his fist on the dirt and rose to his kneed. Only to instantly deflate at the sight of the cross before him, jammed into the ground of Michael’s grave. He found himself over come with grief at the thought of how helpless Michael must have been in his finally moments. The illusion of his brother’s justified punishment shattered by the all the scars hell had etched onto Michael.

When the stars are fully twinkling in the sky, an inky black background with tiny spots of light sprinkled across, Lucifer at last manages to rise onto shaky legs. He walks down the hill slowly, often pausing to look back up at the wooden cross as it becomes smaller and smaller.

He finds Castiel sitting on the hood of the car, elbows resting on his knees and staring up at the sky. “Remember when father made all those?”

Lucifer nods, “they’re all gone now.”

Castiel goes quiet then turns his head to look at Lucifer for the first time. “Nothing is ever really gone.”

Lucifer ignores the poor attempt to comfort it. “Michael isn’t gone, not really. Only an angel blade could kill him. Only _I’m_ supposed to be able to kill him.”

“He was cold when I found him,” Castiel says softly. He wasn’t trying to aggravate Lucifer, in fact it sounded like he was opening his own wounds with those words.

“That doesn’t matter. Whatever body he was wearing, he didn’t have a human soul. He is an angel’s grace and that is not so easily destroyed. If we could find a way to speak with him…”

Castiel looks at him wearily for a long moment but then his expressions soften. “I’m tired living my life trying to go back to something better.”

“Castiel,” Lucifer says exhaustedly.

“But,” Castiel pauses “Michael deserves something better than what he woke up to. So…If there is a way to bring him back, let’s find it."

 

Finding someone is harder than either of them expected. Castiel uses the few hunter contacts he has and Lucifer sends Elizabeth to find someone useful. None of them know anyone. Elizabeth got a little snarky about being asked to find a way to contact a disembodied angel but quickly shut up with one look from Lucifer. That was the single highlight of their search.

Reluctantly Castiel tries to call Dean, tries because his first three times he calls there is no answer. The fourth time, when Dean finally picks up, it quickly devolves into arguing which was a surprise to Lucifer. Castiel hangs up with a huff, tosses his phone onto the couch and flops down next to his. “He is so frustrating.”

“He won’t do it?” Lucifer asks.

“No, he’ll do it,” Castiel rolls his eyes. “He just needs to be an assbutt about it.”

“Your swearing is not as refined as I’d hope it be by now.”

“Shut up, Lucifer.”

“Excuse me?”

Castiel’s head drops back and he stares at the ceiling for a moment before his eyes flicker over to his brother. “What if we don’t find anyone?”

“We will.” Lucifer takes Castiel’s hand in his own and gently squeezes. “If you trust in anything trust that Michael never stays gone for long.”

Dean calls later that week with a short voicemail while Lucifer and Castiel were…other wise engaged. Lucifer watches Castiel listen to it and can guess at what Dean is saying based on Castiel’s changing facial expression. Boredom, then a furrowed brow, a frown and then his eyebrows shoot up. “What is it?”

“Dean gave me the number of someone who _might_ be able to help.”

“That is good news isn’t it?” Lucifer asks, confussed by Castiel’s suspicious look.

“Well…” Castiel trails off and rolls his shoulders back. “Dean said she talks to fairies.”

“Fairies?” Lucifer says flatly. “Are you being serious?”

“Apparently she is the only one, at least the only one Dean knows.” Castiel begins to dial her number to set something up. “Worth a shot at least


	11. Chapter 11

They pull up to the edge of the path where a silver car is already waiting for them. A tiny blonde woman steps out of the car and smiles brightly at them. She looks exactly like someone who would believe in fairies; a bubbly girl with a bit of a vapid look to her eyes and a cheap eBay crystal around her neck. Castiel nods his head in greeting, “you must be Sophia.”

“Yep! That’s me!” She beamed. She reached back into her car and pulled out a big backpack over stuffed with god knows what. They were only supposed to climb to the top play Ouija board with Michael and leave but she looked like she was ready for a full week of camping. Lucifer tries to be polite and holds a hand out to her but instead of taking it she throws her hands around him and squeezes him into a hug. Shocked Lucifer just stares down at the top of her head and tries to force frozen words out of his mouth to scare her away from touching him.

Castiel grimaces at the tight hold she has on Lucifer and reaches over to pry off her hands from his brother’s torso. “Sophia, perhaps we should start heading up?”

“Of course!” She nods eagerly and clipped the front of the backpack in front of her, tightening the strap until it fit snuggly against her chest. “Let’s go!”

Lucifer is put off by her needless enthusiasm but grimaces and bears it for the sake of speaking to Michael. Of course if it doesn’t work…. maybe he could just trip her and let her tumble down the mountain on their way back down. The take their first few steps onto the trail and Lucifer asks, “so you’re the girl that talks to fairies?”

“Yes,” she sighs, her smile dropping for the first time.

“You don’t sound very happy about it,” Castiel says from where he’s fallen a bit behind the other two.

 “I used to think fairies were just the coolest. I loved them growing up! And then one day I went to Ireland and I saw some really live fairies. It was crazy! Then I found out there were even fairies in America. So I started to hone this fairy contacting skill I discovered I had. I thought it would be fun talking to fairies.”

“Is it not?”

“No,” her shoulders sag. “Fairies are assholes.”

“What we are looking for is not a fairy,” Castiel explains as they trek up the hill. “Did Dean tell you that?”

Sophia’s head tilted to the side in thought. “Yeah, but…I don’t think he said what it is you are looking for. Just that is was a ‘douchebag with wings’ like I’m supposedly used to talking to.”

Lucifer snorts, “he’s rather judgmental for an alcoholic, violence worshiping, slut.”

Sophia’s brow crunches. “That’s not a nice thing to say about a friend.”

“Yes,” Lucifer nods, “that would not be a good thing to say to a friend.”

The walk the rest of the way in silence. Well, at least Lucifer and Castiel don’t talk while Sophia blabbers on and on about whatever pops into her mind. Lucifer watches Castiel, who constantly slows his pace so he can delay reaching the top. Being near Michael’s body made him so tense that Lucifer could see how tight his muscles were even through all those layers of clothing. His brother’s eyes skirted back and forth like Michael’s ghost might pop out at any moment and hurl blame and guilt at him. Lucifer slows so Sophia, obliviously, walks on ahead and gives them a moment away from prying eyes. He entwines his fingers with Castiel’s and squeezes his hand. Castiel jumps at the sudden contact but when his eyes meet Lucifer his lips pull up into a tense smile. “Don’t let Michael get to you.”

Castiel’s smile shrinks into a frown. “I let Michael die. I should have done something.”

“Michael let himself die, there was nothing you could have done. Though I’m sure he’s mopping about up there feeling sorry for himself.”

“I prefer self righteous Michael to self loathing Michael.”

“Ah, little brother,” Lucifer let out one of his rare laughs. “They are secretly one and the same. He’s still jealous dad liked me best.”

Lucifer is so focused on Castiel and trying to cheer him up that he didn’t notice Sophia had stopped until he crashed into her. “Michael’s your brother?”

“Yes,” Lucifer answers. “Not that it is any of your business.”

“And you two are like, lovers or something?” She gestures between Castiel and Lucifer.

“That’s even less of your business.”

“Yes,” Castiel answers at the same time as Lucifer. Lucifer’s eyes narrow at Castiel. “What? You can’t hold hand with another man in America and not expect people to pry.”

Lucifer lets go of Castiel’s hand in childish protest and trudged on ahead. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Sophia looks at Castiel distressed. “Oh dear, I’ve upset him, haven’t I?”

Castiel pats her on the shoulder. “It’s okay, everyone upsets him.”

When they finally reach the top Sophia is quick to drop her backpack onto the dusty patch of land and start pulling out its contents. She throws out a jar of white dust, an old book and then fills a silver bowl with various dried herbs. “Okay, first I must create a cleansing circle.”

“Do whatever you like.” Lucifer sits beneath a tree and pulls out his phone. “Tell me when he gets here.”

Castiel rolls his eyes at his older brother’s behaviour and bends down to help Sophia pull out her tools. “Ignore him. He just doesn’t want anyone to know how eager he is to talk to his beloved big brother again.”

“Aw,” Sophia sighs and claps her hands beneath her chin. “that’s so cute.”

Lucifer snorts from his spot and says no more. Sophia picks up her jar of dirt and walks around Michael’s grave creating a circle of the white dust. Then she throws various Knick knacks into the circle while explaining what she was doing and Castiel nodded politely with a small smile even though he just wants her to hurry up.

“Okay.” She claps her hands together. “I’m ready.”

“Excellent.” Castiel nods. “What do we do?”

“You two do nothing, just sit back and let me work my magic.” She picks up her silver bowl and lights a bundle of sage.

“You’re not going to do that hippy, new age, pagan cleansing crap, are you?” Lucifer asks, wrinkling his nose.

Castiel kicks at Lucifer’s shoe. “Lucifer, that’s rude.”

“No, it invites spirits to join us. I should know, I’m friends with a _real_ Navajo,” she says smugly.

“Isn’t that special,” Lucifer says dryly and throws Castiel a look. The other angel just shrugs, if it works he doesn’t care how smug she is about it. She places the bowl in the centre of the circle and snaps back up, surveying the area around her. She holds her hands up like someone trying to find their way in the dark and walks a path inside the circle.

“Oh,” she says softly, “it feels warm.”

“Warm?” Castiel echoes.

She extends her arms out like she’s trying to find her way in the dark. “It’s strange, I feel…something. Though I’m not sure what it is.”

“It’s him,” Lucifer’s voice is soft but firm, there is little doubt in his mind.

Sophia gasps and her eyes glow till they change to a milk white. “I found him!”

Castiel and Lucifer exchange a look, honestly they aren’t sure if they can communicate with him without her brain exploding and her eyes melting out of her skull. “Is he saying anything?”

“What are you?” She wonders aloud. Then she straightens and breaths out, in answer to her own question. “An angel? Really?”

“He’d like to think so, at least,” Lucifer chuckles. Sophia tilts her head walks in a circle staring up at the sky. “We’re a little tapped out at the moment.”

“He’s sorry,” she says after a pause, turning to look at Lucifer. “He won’t admit it but his spirit feel regret when he touches you.”

Lucifer’s body tenses. “He’s touching me?”

“Mhm,” she hums. “He’s all around us.”

“Lovely,” Castiel says.

“He thinks you’ve changed.” She turns to Castiel now. “Your aura is darker and bitter now.”

“Well, that’s what you get for peeping.”

She walks in a circle like Michael’s spirit is hard to catch. “He didn’t want to leave but this world is so tainted and there is no hope left.”

“Oh, suck it up, Michael.” Lucifer barely manages to keep his bubbling emotions pushed down but Michael’s whining irks him. “A few months on earth is nothing compared to be locked in the pit for most of history.”

“Still have the attitude, I see.” Sophia’s voice morphs for a moment, it lowers and stretches, and the change startles her. She looses her concentration and her eyes return to normal. “What was that?”

“Did you loose him?” Lucifer snaps.

“Shush, she’s trying her best,” Castiel chastises him. He reaches inside the circle and places a reassuring hand on Sophia’s shoulder. “Just try and find him again. It’s different than communicating with a human spirit or a fairy..”

She hesitates. “Is he really an angel?”

“Archangel,” Castiel says.

“You mean like… _the_ archangel Michael.” Castiel nods and her eyes widen. “And when you said you were locked in a pit…are you…?”

“Satan, yes,” Castiel answers for him.

Lucifer glares at his brother. “I told you not to call me that.”

“It’s okay,” Castiel assures the girl when he sees the panic begin to rise in her. “We just need help going home.”

She nods and closes her eyes. Her hands reach out and then she shivers and opens a pair of white eyes again. “I’ve got him.”

“Asks him if there is a way to bring him back.”

She hums to herself. “There is always a way.”

Lucifer bites his tongue to keep from lashing out at her for her condescending answers. “Well, does he know _how_.”

Her arms keep moving in front of her as she tries to keep a hold on Michael. “He says you already know how.”

“Does he?” Lucifer snaps. “So he thinks I’ve just been sitting around on my ass this whole time? Just too busy be bothered bringing him back.”

Sophia bites her lip as if she tries to hold words back but finally mumbles out, “he says you’re being a brat.”

Lucifer rises to his feet. “What was that?”

Castiel slaps a hand on Lucifer’s chest. “Calm yourself, brother. Honestly, the two of you are like children.”

Lucifer mumbles an insult in Enochian but shoots the girl a sharp look. “Go on.”

Sophia’s head tilts to the side as she listens to Michael, nodding every now and then to show she is paying attention. “Michael says to go back and read your books. The answer has been in there but you didn’t want to see it.”

“Is that so?”

She hums in agreement. “Yes, he says something is clouding your sight.”

“I don’t let anything cloud-”

“Sh,” she interrupts, “He’s not done.”

“Did you just shush me?” Lucifer asks raising his voice.

“Lucifer, please.” Castiel asks, feeling like he has already asked him to calm down so many times.

“You want to go home but something holds you back.” Sophia rocks back and fourth on the balls on her feet. “He knows what it is but he doesn’t want to say…It feels like he’s…hm, what’s the word?”

“Jealous?” Lucifer ventures a guess. “Jealous that he’s in the cold, hard earth while I’m sharing a bed with Little Thursday?”

Sophia’s cheeks turn a bright scarlet. “Oh my.”

“Honestly, the two of you…” Castiel murmurs beneath his breath. “Could you try to get along for just five minutes.”

“He says-” Sophia begins but Castiel holds up his arms in defeat.

“I probably don’t want to know what he said. Michael just tell us what we need to do.”

Sophia shrugs. “He says its in one of Lucifer’s books.”

“Which book?” Lucifer presses.

“He says it’s the old one.”

“So he is basically completely useless then?” Lucifer snorts.

“When you find the book, come here and bring him back. Then he will tell you the rest.”

“And why can’t he just tell us now.”

“Well…” she shifts form toe to toe. “He doesn’t trust you to bring him back.”

“Okay, we’re done here.” Lucifer turns to make his way down the hill, leaving Castiel and Sophia to clean up the mess themselves. Lucifer was furious, insulted even, he searched all over to find a way to contact Michael and his brother _still_ didn’t trust him. He didn’t even trust Castiel, the angel he fucked for months before decided to take the cowards way out. Lucifer stops in his tracks and chastises himself. He should speak about either Castiel or Michael like that but _damn_ was he pissed.

Lucifer was even more pissed later that night when he began to reread all of his books, scrolls and tablets. Just as Michael had said the answers where right there all along. An old book like stack of clay tablets that Lucifer had gotten bored with an didn’t finish. That was the day Castiel dragged Lucifer to the farmer’s market at the crack of dawn and even though Lucifer hated the crowds the fact that Castiel felt well enough to go out had Lucifer rushing through the door.

The ritual was fairly easy. Get a few ingredients, say a few words and wait for Michael to crawl out from beneath the dirt. The hardest part would be getting blood from Michael’s vessel, Dean Winchester, who Lucifer was not eager to meet at all. Lucifer was fairly certain that Dean still didn’t know Lucifer was top side and he would like to keep it that way. Still Lucifer knew a few tricks and Little Thursday was a very clever boy who knew how to get into the fortress the hunter locked himself in.

It was what happened after Michael returned that worries Lucifer. Michaels claimed to have a plan on how to return the angels to heaven but they were all three still degraced. Lucifer guesses it would not be an easy battle to face even if he used his demon army and any angel on earth willing to join them. They would have to face Crowley’s demons and probably the Winchesters along with other hunters. God knows what else they’d have to handle.

Lucifer hates being on earth, powerless and trapped in his meat suit. Yet there was something he dreaded even more than a life on earth. Lucifer worries that Castiel wouldn’t be able to handle the battle, that he’d crumble and run off back to the delusional safety that drugs and alcohol provided. He could loose Castiel. The thought made Lucifer’s already cold blood turn to ice. Castiel was not fragile but he had convinced himself that he was and so he easily broke with just a bit of pressure. The world had convinced him he was weak and he believed it so thoroughly he became exactly what they said. It was so frustrating, Lucifer wanted to just shake him out of it and tell him he wasn’t a victim.

Yet even if Castiel was at full strength there were still a great many battles against great enemies.  There was a chance that Castiel could fall in battle and this time he might not come back. It was a heavy decision to make. Live in mediocracy with Castiel for the rest of his short life or try for more but risk having it without Castiel.


	12. Epilogue

Michael probably though that after speaking with Lucifer it would only be a short time before he was brought back to the land of living. Lucifer never liked to lie…so he just didn’t tell the whole truth. Castiel doesn’t know that Lucifer found the ritual to bring Michael back almost right away. He lets a few days pass as he considers his options. Lucifer debates with himself about his two options, trying to find a compromise between them or a way to guarantee the out come he wanted.

Castiel sits next to him on the couch and takes the book out of his hands. “Don’t you ever rest?”

Lucifer starts to answer but when he turns his head to Castiel, his brother presses their lips together. “What was that for?”

“Do I need a reason to kiss you?”

“No, I suppose you don’t.”

Castiel leans his head against Lucifer’s shoulder and sighs. His eyes drift close and Lucifer watches how easily Castiel relaxes against him. Despite their rough beginnings, Castiel now has an uncomfortable amount of trust placed in Lucifer. Trust that no ones has had for him since before his so called fall. Castiel twists his body so he can wrap an arm over Lucifer’s hip and snuggle close. “How long are you going to do this?”

“Do what?” Lucifer asks with feigned ignorance.

“Hide out here with me.”

“I’m not hiding,” Lucifer says indigent. Castiel doesn’t say anything else, just lies against Lucifer with a slow rising of his chest. Up, down, up, down, until even Lucifer is lulled by the rhythm. “I know how to bring Michael back.”

Castiel nods, he doesn’t seem surprised.

“But it won’t be a small price to pay.” Lucifer puts an arm around Castiel’s shoulder and holds him close. “When Michael returns he’ll bring a war with him.”

“It’s not going to be easy, Castiel,” Lucifer tells him. “It will be very difficult but if we do it we can go home.”

“And leave earth behind…” Castiel trails off, staring out into the distance beyond the window. Lucifer isn’t sure what he is looking at, there isn’t anything out there besides dead leaves and concrete. A long silence stretches out between them, every second that passes without an answer seems to drive another nail in the coffin of _them_.

When the silence becomes to much to bear, Lucifer quietly offers “if you stay, I’ll stay with you.”

Castiel shakes his head and laughs softly. “No, you won’t.”

Castiel doesn’t see Lucifer flinch at his words. He is probably right but Lucifer feels it is an offer that should be made. He swallows down any other words he might try to say, sure that Castiel has already made his decision and that there is no talking him out of it. Lucifer prepares to turn and walk out the door when Castiel finally speaks up. “Okay, I’ll go with you.”

“Are you sure?” Lucifer asks surprised.

Castiel nods ands looks back at him over his shoulder. Reaching over to take Lucifer’s hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go home. Together.”


End file.
